Lauren is an American expat who's been in London for a while now. She reads, drinks, and smokes a lot. She excels at the following activities: having fun, making sure her companions are having fun, eating baguettes, being clever.
As a child, she rode a very fat horse named Jason, played defense in football, kick-boxed on a regular basis and got in trouble at her Catholic high school for reading Candide in church. When you meet her, none of this will surprise you.
Now. First of all, let me say that all of the above is true. But more important to the cause at hand, it makes me sound like Ignatius J. Reilly out of A Confederacy of Dunces. And yes, I know that reference just reinforced her description of me, but I'm trying to hide my true, hideous self from prospective suitors (at least for a little while).
So Meghan's description just wasn't going to cut the mustard. In the end, I confessed to Cathryn that I'd signed up to Castaways and begged her to write my description, hoping that her relatively scant knowledge of my adolescence would work in my favor. I was right, and Cathryn wrote a great, slightly fabricated couple of paragraphs that made me sound eminently more attractive than Meghan had.
It went online today along with a full-color photograph of my entire smiling face and from then on it was in the hands of the Internet dating gods.
page 56, Love by the Book by Melissa Pimentel
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