I'm always so thrilled when a new Hitwoman book comes out and The Hitwoman and the Family Jewels was no exception. The downside is that I read them too quickly. If you are going on vacation this weekend and need a light, quick read to keep you entertained, then you MUST get The Hitwoman and the Family Jewels by J. B. Lynn.
You don't have to read the previous 2.5 books (the .5 is a novella that is free at Amazon and iBookstore and only 99 cents at B&N). Lynn does a great job of bringing new readers up to speed, but really you are missing out on a ton of laughs if you don't get them. Since it is a long weekend, you could easily make it through the entire series. You can check out my reviews for the previous books,
Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman
Further Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman
The Hitwoman Gets Lucky
In The Hitwoman and the Family Jewels, Lynn ties up some lose ends left from the first book. As the title implies, the story focus on Maggie's family particularly her incarcerated father. Her dad has broken out of prison, and more than just the police are looking for him. The positive side - her murder mentor Patrick has a legitimate excuse to stay close by. With The Hitwoman Gets Lucky, Lynn steered the series more into the chick-lit arena and the Family Jewels continues along that path.
The bad thing about Patrick being constantly present - I think he's on to her new gift. And speaking of Maggie's gift, there's a new character. I foresee some great verbal sparing between God and this new character. Though his whining about no carnivores in the house troubled me since Dee Dee is a carnivore, but it is a minor point and really is more about the melodramatic theatrics that God is so good at.
I'm friends with JB so I say this in a completely loving manner - J.B. Lynn is EVIL. To introduce the new character she almost mortally wounded my favorite character. But I have to say it's a testimony to Lynn's comedic writing skills that she can take serious scene and infuse it with humor. Though I was upset about what happened, it's the ending that made me realize the extent of the evilness. Just so you know, don't stop at the last page. Lynn found a little redemption a few clicks later.
I've rambled through this review, because all the words I would use like hilarious, funniest series I've ever read, a must read... I've said all before. Really all I have left to say is WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS BLOG?! GET THE HITWOMAN AND THE FAMILY JEWELS NOW!
Buy the book at Amazon
Book info: ebook published April 2013
Source: author
Read: May 2013
Girl Who Reads is an Amazon advertising affiliate; a small fee is earned when purchases are made at Amazon through the link above. A free book was obtained from the source mentioned in order to provide an honest review.
May 25, 2013
May 24, 2013
Excerpt from Lifeboat by AB Shepherd
CHAPTER TWELVE
Cass
Five Years Earlier
Rural South Australia
I remembered the argument, but I didn’t remember the crash itself. I was told the b-double pulverized the driver’s side of our car, as Mick made a left turn onto the road that would take us home. The truck driver should have stopped. He hydroplaned out of control.
They said it was a miracle I wasn’t killed along with Mick and Michael.
A miracle. Right. What kind of miracle ripped out your heart, and left you breathing?
Their miracle left me with no heart, no life, and a limp that would never leave me. Folks said I was lucky to be alive. If I were lucky, I’d have died along with my husband and son.
The next thing I remembered after the crash, was waking up with pain in every cell of my body. I was in a hospital bed, with tubes sticking out of my arm, and a cast on my leg that went all the way up to my hip. My mum slept in a chair by my bedside. There was another bed in the room, but it was empty. I heard voices coming from the corridor.
“Mum,” I tried to say, but my throat was sore and dry. I couldn’t get the word out properly. I worked my mouth, trying to build up a little saliva, then swallowed to wet my throat. I tried again. “Mum,” I croaked. My mum startled awake at the sound of my voice.
“Cassie!” she cried. “Oh thank God you’re awake!” She gripped my hand, squeezing it hard as tears ran down her face.
“Mum, that hurts,” I gasped.
“Oh my love, I’m sorry. I’ve just been so worried,” she said, tears welling in her eyes as she loosened her grip without letting go.
“What happened? Where’s Mick? Where’s Michael?” I asked, desperate to know my husband and son were okay.
“I need to let them know you’re awake,” she exclaimed. Ignoring my questions she dashed from the room.
“Mum!” I called after her, but she was out of sight.
A middle-aged nurse in a uniform consisting of a green blouse, navy skirt and flat navy work shoes entered the room briskly.“Hullo love. Finally decided to wake up, have we?” she chirped. “Well, let’s have a look at you then.”
She drew a thermometer out of her pocket, and popped it in my mouth. She then bustled around the bed, pulling out a blood pressure cuff which she wrapped around my arm, pumping the nozzle until it squeezed tight. Tucking the end of her stethoscope under its edge, she grasped my wrist and looked at her watch.
I pulled the thermometer out of my mouth, and said, “Wait. I need to know what’s happened to my son, and my husband. Are they okay?”
She ignored my question until she’d gotten the reading she was looking for. Then she grasped the thermometer out of my hand, shook it, and popped it back in my mouth again.
“You need to leave this in until it beeps. I need to get your temperature.” She made some notes on a piece of paper. “As for the rest, all in good time love. All in good time. Are you in pain?”
I nodded. She made an adjustment to a machine attached to the tubes in my arm, and the bag of fluid hanging above it. She handed me a little bit of plastic with a button on it. “When you are hurting, you can push this button. It will release medication to ease your pain,” she said.
The thermometer beeped and she removed it, noting its reading. “The doctor will be in before long to examine you. In the meantime, we’ll let your family know they can come see you,” she sang as she exited the room.
My family. Mick and Michael. I waited anxiously, watching the tiny bit of corridor I could see from my bed. Waiting for Mick to walk through the door, and flash me the smile I loved.
My dad and my brothers entered the room.
“Cassiel!” my dad cried out.
He’s the only one who ever called me by my full name. As he stood next to the bed, his hands moved awkwardly looking for a place to light. It was as if he wanted to touch me, yet he was afraid he’d somehow hurt me, so he refrained.
Jack and Jake were oddly silent. These two boys - men now I guessed - were never quiet. They always jostled each other, or bickered, even as adults. Competing in that way common to twins. Their stillness frightened me more than anything else.
“What is it? What’s wrong? Where are Mick and Michael?” I asked. The boys wouldn’t meet my eyes. They looked everywhere, but at me. They shuffled their feet awkwardly.
“Dad?” I asked.
“Cassiel, my darling daughter, I don’t know how to say this. How to tell you this,” my dad started. His eyes watered, and his hands shook.
“Tell me what dad?” I started trembling. I knew it couldn’t be good or he wouldn’t be so upset. The boys focused their eyes on dad. They still wouldn’t look at me.
Tears streamed down my dad’s face. I’d never seen my dad cry before.
A sense of foreboding filled me. My chest tightened. I couldn’t breathe.
“Cassiel, do you remember what happened?” My dad asked, tears falling from his chin onto my hand.
“We were driving home from the Show. It was raining hard. Did we crash?” I frowned, trying to remember.
“Yes darling, you crashed,” he answered, his face wet. More tears hung from his chin. Others dripped onto his shirt, leaving damp splotches. I watched them in fascination.
“Michael and Mick didn’t make it darling. But we were very lucky. You did.” He said.
“What did you say?” I asked. I refocused my eyes to his. A rushing sound filled my ears. I couldn’t have heard him right.
“I said we are very lucky to have you with us Cassiel.”
“No. Before that.”
He drew a deep, shuddering, breath, before repeating, “Michael and Mick didn’t make it. They were killed in the crash.”
Even my brothers had tears raining down their fuzzy cheeks. My mum stood in the doorway to the corridor, also watching me with reddened, wet eyes.
“Mum?”
My mum rushed to my bedside, and tried to gather the bit of me she could reach into her arms. “I’m so sorry darling,” she crooned. “I’m so, so sorry.” My face was buried in her shoulder, but I did not cry. Not then. Even as every member of my family cried.
It was too unreal. I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want it to be true.
I did what the nurse had told me to do. The bit of plastic was still in my hand. I hurt so badly. The pain was unbearable.
I pushed the button. Soon the world faded away, as I succumbed to sleep with my face still buried in my mum’s shoulder.
Cass
Five Years Earlier
Rural South Australia
I remembered the argument, but I didn’t remember the crash itself. I was told the b-double pulverized the driver’s side of our car, as Mick made a left turn onto the road that would take us home. The truck driver should have stopped. He hydroplaned out of control.
They said it was a miracle I wasn’t killed along with Mick and Michael.
A miracle. Right. What kind of miracle ripped out your heart, and left you breathing?
Their miracle left me with no heart, no life, and a limp that would never leave me. Folks said I was lucky to be alive. If I were lucky, I’d have died along with my husband and son.
The next thing I remembered after the crash, was waking up with pain in every cell of my body. I was in a hospital bed, with tubes sticking out of my arm, and a cast on my leg that went all the way up to my hip. My mum slept in a chair by my bedside. There was another bed in the room, but it was empty. I heard voices coming from the corridor.
“Mum,” I tried to say, but my throat was sore and dry. I couldn’t get the word out properly. I worked my mouth, trying to build up a little saliva, then swallowed to wet my throat. I tried again. “Mum,” I croaked. My mum startled awake at the sound of my voice.
“Cassie!” she cried. “Oh thank God you’re awake!” She gripped my hand, squeezing it hard as tears ran down her face.
“Mum, that hurts,” I gasped.
“Oh my love, I’m sorry. I’ve just been so worried,” she said, tears welling in her eyes as she loosened her grip without letting go.
“What happened? Where’s Mick? Where’s Michael?” I asked, desperate to know my husband and son were okay.
“I need to let them know you’re awake,” she exclaimed. Ignoring my questions she dashed from the room.
“Mum!” I called after her, but she was out of sight.
A middle-aged nurse in a uniform consisting of a green blouse, navy skirt and flat navy work shoes entered the room briskly.“Hullo love. Finally decided to wake up, have we?” she chirped. “Well, let’s have a look at you then.”
She drew a thermometer out of her pocket, and popped it in my mouth. She then bustled around the bed, pulling out a blood pressure cuff which she wrapped around my arm, pumping the nozzle until it squeezed tight. Tucking the end of her stethoscope under its edge, she grasped my wrist and looked at her watch.
I pulled the thermometer out of my mouth, and said, “Wait. I need to know what’s happened to my son, and my husband. Are they okay?”
She ignored my question until she’d gotten the reading she was looking for. Then she grasped the thermometer out of my hand, shook it, and popped it back in my mouth again.
“You need to leave this in until it beeps. I need to get your temperature.” She made some notes on a piece of paper. “As for the rest, all in good time love. All in good time. Are you in pain?”
I nodded. She made an adjustment to a machine attached to the tubes in my arm, and the bag of fluid hanging above it. She handed me a little bit of plastic with a button on it. “When you are hurting, you can push this button. It will release medication to ease your pain,” she said.
The thermometer beeped and she removed it, noting its reading. “The doctor will be in before long to examine you. In the meantime, we’ll let your family know they can come see you,” she sang as she exited the room.
My family. Mick and Michael. I waited anxiously, watching the tiny bit of corridor I could see from my bed. Waiting for Mick to walk through the door, and flash me the smile I loved.
My dad and my brothers entered the room.
“Cassiel!” my dad cried out.
He’s the only one who ever called me by my full name. As he stood next to the bed, his hands moved awkwardly looking for a place to light. It was as if he wanted to touch me, yet he was afraid he’d somehow hurt me, so he refrained.
Jack and Jake were oddly silent. These two boys - men now I guessed - were never quiet. They always jostled each other, or bickered, even as adults. Competing in that way common to twins. Their stillness frightened me more than anything else.
“What is it? What’s wrong? Where are Mick and Michael?” I asked. The boys wouldn’t meet my eyes. They looked everywhere, but at me. They shuffled their feet awkwardly.
“Dad?” I asked.
“Cassiel, my darling daughter, I don’t know how to say this. How to tell you this,” my dad started. His eyes watered, and his hands shook.
“Tell me what dad?” I started trembling. I knew it couldn’t be good or he wouldn’t be so upset. The boys focused their eyes on dad. They still wouldn’t look at me.
Tears streamed down my dad’s face. I’d never seen my dad cry before.
A sense of foreboding filled me. My chest tightened. I couldn’t breathe.
“Cassiel, do you remember what happened?” My dad asked, tears falling from his chin onto my hand.
“We were driving home from the Show. It was raining hard. Did we crash?” I frowned, trying to remember.
“Yes darling, you crashed,” he answered, his face wet. More tears hung from his chin. Others dripped onto his shirt, leaving damp splotches. I watched them in fascination.
“Michael and Mick didn’t make it darling. But we were very lucky. You did.” He said.
“What did you say?” I asked. I refocused my eyes to his. A rushing sound filled my ears. I couldn’t have heard him right.
“I said we are very lucky to have you with us Cassiel.”
“No. Before that.”
He drew a deep, shuddering, breath, before repeating, “Michael and Mick didn’t make it. They were killed in the crash.”
Even my brothers had tears raining down their fuzzy cheeks. My mum stood in the doorway to the corridor, also watching me with reddened, wet eyes.
“Mum?”
My mum rushed to my bedside, and tried to gather the bit of me she could reach into her arms. “I’m so sorry darling,” she crooned. “I’m so, so sorry.” My face was buried in her shoulder, but I did not cry. Not then. Even as every member of my family cried.
It was too unreal. I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want it to be true.
I did what the nurse had told me to do. The bit of plastic was still in my hand. I hurt so badly. The pain was unbearable.
I pushed the button. Soon the world faded away, as I succumbed to sleep with my face still buried in my mum’s shoulder.
About the author:
A.B. Shepherd grew up in Lansing, Michigan, but moved to Australia once her children had grown and empty nest syndrome set in.
She now lives in the Limestone Coast region of South Australia, with her husband and their imaginary friends.
A.B. loves living near the Southern Ocean and often finds it inspiring. She can usually be found seaside at Port MacDonnell, or lost in a fantasy world.
Buy the book at Amazon
Girl Who Reads is an Amazon advertising affiliate; a small fee is earned when purchases are made at Amazon through the link above.
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Bounce into Summer Giveaway
Summer is coming and you just want to enjoy that great book I was telling you about, but the kids are driving you crazy. How about giving them something that will give them hours of entertainment and make them so tired you'll get all night to yourself, too. Enter to win below.
ARV $400
A Ladybug on the Go
This playhouse really has it all. It is height is just low enough to be used indoors, but it has a full pool and water slide for those hot summer days. The bounce area (6x6 feet) is a nice size for a few kids and there is a separate ball pit that holds two packs of play balls just right.
Perfect for the kids who want more then just a backyard pool, and it can be used inside when it rains or even all winter (it's just 6 feet high and will fit in most rooms or in the basement of any house).
This playhouse really has it all. It is height is just low enough to be used indoors, but it has a full pool and water slide for those hot summer days. The bounce area (6x6 feet) is a nice size for a few kids and there is a separate ball pit that holds two packs of play balls just right.
Perfect for the kids who want more then just a backyard pool, and it can be used inside when it rains or even all winter (it's just 6 feet high and will fit in most rooms or in the basement of any house).

Included with Little Sprout - All-In-One Bouncer, Slide & Pool is an over sized carry bag, patch kit for rips and tears, constant air blower w/ GFCI circut interuptor for safety, ground stakes, and of course a water hose hook up.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
"Make Our Own Network" solely organized this event and I received no compensation for this publication. My opinions are 100% my own and may differ from your own or even those stated in this post. Girl Who Reads is not responsible for sponsor prize shipment.
**If you are a company and would like to see your brand advertised in a M.O.O.N. event similar to this please contact ldybug1682@gmail.com
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May 23, 2013
Vacation and Your Blog
Summer officially kicks off in the US this weekend with Memorial Day Weekend. With it comes family reunions, beach vacations, lazy days by the pool, late nights watching fireflies. You may have great plans to make it through that stack of bestsellers while sipping a fruity drink with an umbrella, it is likely you are going to find yourself crunched for time when it comes to your blog. A little planning now will keep your blog floating happily along while you do the same. Here are a few tips...
Tip 1 - sign up for book blasts or sponsored giveaway. These quick posts usually come pre-formatted for easy cut/paste. They also have the extra benefit of helping you gain followers on Pinterest, Facebook, or Twitter. A quick search of "Bloggers Wanted" will turn up available giveaways. You can check under the Bloggers Wanted tab above for current events I'm organizing. Other companies that are looking for bloggers include Jitterbug PR, I am a Reader Not a Writer, The Finishing Fairies, Lady Reader's Book Stuff.
Tip 2 - Spread your posts out. If you typically post a review every day, you may want to put a few in reserve so you can have them weekly throughout the summer. I have a calendar with the days I'll post a review through out the summer. If I get ahead on my reading/reviewing then I can always move a review up, but I won't come up short at the end of summer.
Tip 3 - Reading Lists and recommendations. People have more time to read during the summer, but they don't want to spend it reading review after review just to find the next great book. Instead help your readers quickly locate a good read. It can be Top 10 Must Read Murder Mysteries or Audio Books for Road Trips. The key here is to group books you've already read. You can give a line or two about why it fits the category or why you recommend it. Remember to link back to your previous review.
Tip 4 - Participate in a meme. Are you going to the library more because the kids are out of school? Then you can link up with It's Monday! What are your reading? To show off all the library finds that week. Teaser Tuesday will let you share a couple of sentences from your current read, while Waiting on Wednesday will tell your readers about what you are looking forward to.
Tip 5 - Don't stress. If you miss a few days of posting or even a week, that's okay. If you know you are likely not going to post for 5 consecutive days, then put up a Gone Fishing sign to let your readers you are taking a much needed break, but will see them on the flip side.
I hope everyone has a wonderful summer full of great reading. What tips do you have for keeping up with blogging when so many warm weather activities are vying for your attention?
Tip 1 - sign up for book blasts or sponsored giveaway. These quick posts usually come pre-formatted for easy cut/paste. They also have the extra benefit of helping you gain followers on Pinterest, Facebook, or Twitter. A quick search of "Bloggers Wanted" will turn up available giveaways. You can check under the Bloggers Wanted tab above for current events I'm organizing. Other companies that are looking for bloggers include Jitterbug PR, I am a Reader Not a Writer, The Finishing Fairies, Lady Reader's Book Stuff.
Tip 2 - Spread your posts out. If you typically post a review every day, you may want to put a few in reserve so you can have them weekly throughout the summer. I have a calendar with the days I'll post a review through out the summer. If I get ahead on my reading/reviewing then I can always move a review up, but I won't come up short at the end of summer.
Tip 3 - Reading Lists and recommendations. People have more time to read during the summer, but they don't want to spend it reading review after review just to find the next great book. Instead help your readers quickly locate a good read. It can be Top 10 Must Read Murder Mysteries or Audio Books for Road Trips. The key here is to group books you've already read. You can give a line or two about why it fits the category or why you recommend it. Remember to link back to your previous review.
Tip 4 - Participate in a meme. Are you going to the library more because the kids are out of school? Then you can link up with It's Monday! What are your reading? To show off all the library finds that week. Teaser Tuesday will let you share a couple of sentences from your current read, while Waiting on Wednesday will tell your readers about what you are looking forward to.
Tip 5 - Don't stress. If you miss a few days of posting or even a week, that's okay. If you know you are likely not going to post for 5 consecutive days, then put up a Gone Fishing sign to let your readers you are taking a much needed break, but will see them on the flip side.
I hope everyone has a wonderful summer full of great reading. What tips do you have for keeping up with blogging when so many warm weather activities are vying for your attention?
Summer of Love Giveaway
Summer is coming and Harlequin wants to give you the essentials.
But that's not all you can win!
Harlequin wants to hear your Summer of Love Mixtape.
Enter here for a chance at a trip to Las Vegas for you and 3 friends
For your chance of a Bella Andrea Beach Bag, enter below. US addresses ONLY.
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May 22, 2013
Giveaway: The Pipe Woman Chronicles Now Complete
You may remember when Fissure's video trailer was featured.Now you can get the entire series. Enter to win below.
Release Day Blitz for the 5th and Final Book in The Pipe Woman Chronicles by Lynne Cantwell
Naomi Witherspoon lives in interesting times. At the winter solstice, she was Seized by a Native American goddess to mediate a power-sharing agreement between all the pagan gods and goddesses and the Christian God. Then, as her relationship with her new boyfriend Fissured, she Tapped a wellspring of strength – her Native American heritage.
Now, Gravid and due any day, she must conduct the mediation of her life. Will she succeed? Or will it all go up in smoke?
The answers to those questions, and more, can be found in Annealed, the final installment in the Pipe Woman Chronicles, an urban fantasy series by Lynne Cantwell.
It began at the winter solstice
And it ends
Now.
A taste of chapter 10: Jehovah sighed. "White Buffalo Calf Pipe Woman, I concede that much of what You have said here is true. Humanity wrestles still with its baser impulses, even as it reaches for the pinnacle of its potential. Math, the sciences, engineering. I never thought they would figure out fractal theory." He chuckled. "I love My children dearly. Soon they will reach the stars. They are ever a surprise and a delight to Me." Lynne Cantwell's take on the excerpt: "Naomi has finally reached the Big Mediation -- the one between the Christian God and all the pagan gods and goddesses that the whole series has been driving toward. In this scene, White Buffalo Calf Pipe Woman has just outlined all the ways humanity has trashed God's Creation: ruining the environment, using Scripture as an excuse to treat other human races like animals, and so on. God acknowledges all of that. But it's also clear that He takes great delight in what He has created -- and He has a sense of humor, too."It’s zero hour…Naomi has just two weeks to find a new home for Joseph's grandfather. The old Ute shaman is fighting for his life against a mysterious injection of toxin he received at the hands of the Norse Trickster god Loki. If Naomi is to defeat Loki once and for all, she must learn what it is he seeks under the old man's wickiup.She has just one week before she must mediate between the Earth's pagan gods and goddesses and the Christian God. If her efforts fail, all of humankind will suffer the consequences.And her baby is due any day.In this, the fifth and final book of the Pipe Woman Chronicles, Naomi is in a race against the clock to balance the demands of her body, her family, and her friends – and she must do it while the whole world is watching.
About the Author: Lynne Cantwell
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